


Good Grief

by Lazuli5



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28326018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazuli5/pseuds/Lazuli5
Summary: Sokka heads to the South Pole, leaving a pregnant Toph behind with a music box and a promise to return. And then he doesn't. Toph is devastated, but little does she know the story isn't over yet...
Relationships: Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

Out of all of her friends, Toph would say that she was the most stubborn. Heck, ask any of her friends. They'd agree with her. She's proven herself more than worthy over the years. First it was refusing to stay on Air Temple Island with Aang and Katara after the birth of Tenzin. Then it was taking a lot of convincing to be drawn away from the police force. Then it was going cold after Kanto left, and declining Katara's healing water while giving birth to Lin. If there's anything Toph prides herself on, it's her stubbornness. Well, that and being the Greatest Earth Bender in the World. 

Second to her, however, would have to go to Sokka. He had a tendency to stand his ground when he thought he was right, which was respectable, but she hated it when he took it too far. 

Like right now.

"Seriously? You're still going through with it?"

"Come on, T, not again," he said. Toph mimed strangling him and he glared at her. "Don't tell me you're actually showing emotion. Isn't that like, against your whole thing?"

She growled and ignored that. "You're talking about leaving. Leaving me!"

"Toph, it's two weeks!"

"That's just a fancy way of saying almost a whole ass month! That's too long."

He sighed. "Then why don't you just come with me? You'd love the South Pole. Come see where I'm from, where Katara's from. It would mean a lot."

"You know I don't do snow, Snoozles," she muttered, fingering her bracelet. Made from the meteorite Sokka had given her, back when they were saving the world. "And I can't just leave Lin."

"Bring her along! Leave her with Katara, for Spirit's sake, she loves Kya!"

She exhaled slowly, trying to keep her patience. "What about... my condition?"

He couldn't help that laugh that escaped, and she couldn't help her heart skipping a beat at the sound. "The baby will be fine, I've told you, it doesn't matter that you're pregnant!"

"Eight months pregnant. You'd miss the birth of your own kid if you go!"

"My father is sick. He's not getting any better. Do you want me to miss what might be my last chance to see him?"

She bit her lip and crossed her arms over her tightly stretched stomach. "No, of course not. It's just..." She let her head fall back, her long hair cascading over her shoulders. "The timing is just really fucked up."

He softened, and she felt his arms curling around her. "I know, T. I know."

She closed her sightless eyes and held onto him, wishing that all her problems could just float away. Her fingers clutched at his strong arms, and he burrowed his head into her hair.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into it.

She snorted. "You should be. I'm the one losing here."

His voice was heavy, full of sorrow and sadness. "If you tell me to stay, I will."

"No," she said, though she choked out the word. "Go."

He hesitated. "You're sure?"

"Yes. Leave. Get out of my sight. Oh, wait. You already are."

He laughed, and she smiled, and for a second everything was all right. Nothing was wrong, they were just two people together. Two people hugging. Very tightly.

She cleared her throat, and the moment passed. She let go of him and patted her stomach. "Go pack, Meathead. I'll be fine."

Though she couldn't see, his smile rippled across the room. "Hey, tell you what - why don't you guys go up with Aang and them anyway? It's been too long."

She tapped her finger against her chin, pretending to think about it. "I guess. But only if you promise to write me while you're gone. Every day, Snoozles, or else."

"Of course," he said, grinning. "But only if you promise to have Katara write back for you."

She punched him playfully. "Deal. Now go, just be quiet. Lin is napping."

"Okay." He turned to leave, then hesitantly came back. "Before I go, there's something I want to give you."

Toph felt her heart speed up, and could sense his doing the same. She heard him rustling around in his pockets, then the sound of something soft being pulled out. No, not soft exactly... it was solid. Wood, maybe. 

He thrust it into her hand, and she fingered it. Some sort of box.

"Gee, just what I always wanted," she said sarcastically. "A box."

He sighed comically. "It's a music box," he explained, carefully moving her hands around so she could feel it. He was right. Behind. Her. She willed herself to remain calm. "Open it, and a song will play."

Together they lifted the cover, and Toph caught her breath. A beautiful melody came out of the box, sweetly enchanting her ears and wrapping her up in what felt like a hug. It reminded her of the lullabies her mother used to sing to her when she was very young, barely a girl. She would stroke her hair and kiss her head, and for a moment she was back in her youth, and her mother had just tucked her into bed. She swayed to the music, and became suddenly aware of Sokka swaying with her, his hands on her stomach, twisted around her back. She froze, and he immediately let go of her.

"Sorry," he whispered. His voice had become quiet and hoarse. 

"Did you make it?" She whispered back, still staring at her hands.

He fidgeted behind her, but he didn't move away. "Yeah. I, uh... yeah, I did."

She didn't answer, simply running her fingers across the wooden lines on the top of the box. She came upon a ripple in one, then another, and another. 

"What's this?"

He glanced to see what she was talking about, and she heard him chuckle lightly. "That's the name of the song, its engraved on the box. It's called 'Suyin.' Means plain and unadorned sound."

"Hm." She traced the word. 

"Do you -" he coughed "- Do you like it?"

She wanted to say yes. She moved her mouth to form the words yes, but when the sound escaped her lips the words were, "Why did you make it?"

He sighed - his breath was hot on her cheek, and she fought a blush. "Do I need a reason to make you something nice?" His hands crawled to her stomach again, patting their unborn child softly. "You deserve all the good in the world."

"Thanks," she said, tilting her head back to whisper in his ear. He laughed in return, and they stood together, listening to the music pouring out of the box in her palm.

Toph closed her eyes, wishing that she could stay here in this moment forever, frozen in time. If she could've wished for anything in the world, she wouldn't have hesitated to say that. 

Finally he let go, though it was the last thing he seemed to want to do. He kissed her quickly on the cheek before rushing up the stairs of their house. She counted each step as he grew farther away, reaching up to touch the place where his lips had touched her. She stayed there for a long, long time. 

-

The next morning, Toph stumbled off the ferry onto Air Temple Island into Katara's waiting arms. She immediately felt like she was being strangled, and Lin's hand was wrenched from her grasp.

"Toph! I missed you, ooh, I missed you so much!"

"Kat - can't - breathe -"

She let go and Toph gasped for air. Katara knelt down and patted her stomach. "Hello, baby. It's your Aunt Katara! Hi!" 

"All right, all right," she muttered. "You'd think you've never seen a pregnant lady before."

"Oh, shut up," she laughed, still cooing. "Hi, baby!"

"You shut up," she said, yanking her stomach away from her and trying to suppress a smirk. She changed the subject. "Lin? Where's Lin, I don't feel her."

Katara sighed, standing up and brushing herself off. "She and Kya are on the beach, playing in the waves. Oh - Oh, Kya, honey, don't drown her!"

"For an eleven year old, she sure is talented," Toph laughed, hitching her bag on her shoulder. "But Lin can still beat her ass!"

"Toph!"

"Oh, sorry. Beat her butt!"

Katara shook her head. "Be careful, you two!" She called to the girls, then turned back to Toph. "Here, let me carry that."

"I'm fine, Katara. Don't baby me, I'm an adult."

"A pregnant adult!"

"Didn't you hate how Aang babied you while you were pregnant?"

"Not the point. Come on, T -"

"Don't call me that," she snapped, jerking her bag away from her. Katara gave a little sound of surprise, then she was quiet for a moment. The wind whistled in her ears.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I know it must be harder that he's not here for you than for me."

She closed her eyes and pursed her lips. "You're his sister, why would it be harder for me?" 

Even from five feet away, Katara's sad smile vibrated in waves toward her. "You know why." She paused, then added, "Have you guys... figured it out?"

She opened her eyes and stared at what she guessed was the ocean. It had been afternoon when she'd left, so it had to be close to night by now. She wished she could see the moon. "I'm not sure. He, uh... he promised he would write to me here, and he kissed my cheek before he left." 

She didn't know why she didn't mention the music box, safely tucked away in her bag. For some reason she wanted to keep it to herself. To remind herself that he wasn't gone for good, that he was coming back. Whenever she missed him she could open the box, it would play Suyin, and it would be like she was lost in that moment, which had only been yesterday. It seemed like so long ago now.

"See, it's not a lost cause," Katara said, wrapping her arms around Toph. "I mean, you're carrying his kid, for Spirit's sake. That should clue you in to your relationship."

"I told you, we aren't together-together. We... we just..." She exhaled. "We're just a guy and a girl who made a mistake and have to face the consequences."

She could tell Katara didn't believe her, and who would blame her? Even to her the words sounded fake. The longing behind her voice was so palpable it was embarrassing. 

"But you want something more," she said, and Toph knew that she couldn't deny it. 

"Labels can be difficult," she replied in deadpan. "I... We're not just friends. But we're not... we're not..."

"Hey. Take it easy, okay?" Katara gave her a little side hug. "Just relax while you're here. You can talk to him - really talk to him - when he gets back. And in the meantime, if you want to tell him something, all you have to do is ask." She squeezed her shoulder. "I'd gladly write the letter "

She was silent for a moment, pondering that. She snorted. "Okay. If you say so."

But she allowed herself to swell with hope as Katara directed her up to the house. Maybe... maybe everything would work itself out after all. She fingered the music box in her bag as she walked up the steps.

-

The next morning, Toph had barely stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen before she was bombarded by nephews. Tenzin was six, like Lin, but quieter and less likely to hit her. Bumi was fourteen and wild, much like his crazy hair that tended to stick out in every direction.

"Finally, you're up. You're the only one in this family who's fun, Aunt Toph," he said, coming over and embracing her.

"You've got a baby in your belly, Aunt Toph," Tenzin said solemnly as he hugged her middle. 

"That's right," she said, patting his hair. "And you're pretty fun yourself, Boom-Boom."

He scowled, and she smirked. He hated to be called Boom-Boom. It was the name - well, it was the name Sokka had come up with for him when he was born. She faltered for a few seconds. 

Oh, grow up, a voice in her head chided. So now you can't be without him? You're Toph! The Greatest Earthbender in the World! Pull it together!

She sat down at the table and Katara served her breakfast. She heard Lin and Kya come tumbling into the kitchen from the room they shared, and Katara fussed over what they would eat. They fussed right back, insisting that they weren't hungry. In the end they agreed to eat something quick before she let them go outside. She laughed softly into her plate. 

"Come play tag with us," Bumi said once he'd cleared his plate, tugging on her arm. "If Mom plays too, that makes six!"

"Gimme a second," she sighed, massaging her stomach. She'd been having strange aches since she woke up, but she didn't want to disappoint the kids. "Where's Twinkle Toes? I don't hear his little footsteps.

"He's in Republic City, won't be back until next week," Katara said, taking her plate. "Listen, Toph, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be running around when you're this pregnant."

Toph struggled to her feet, which probably didn't help her case. "I'll be fine, Sugar Queen. Don't worry so much."

"But -"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Come on, let's play some tag!" She allowed Bumi and Tenzin to drag them outside, where they met up with Kya and Lin and began an intense game of tag, during which everyone was it except Toph, which the kids found hilarious. 

"Teams! Teams!" Bumi shouted after a while of panting and running around aimlessly and being it six times. "This isn't fair, I want teams!"

"Okay, okay," Katara gasped, laughing as she clutched her side. "Uh, Kya and Lin and me against Toph and Tenzin and you, sound fair?"

"Aw yeah! We get Aunt Toph!" Bumi declared with joy. Tenzin mimicked him, throwing his hands up in the air and laughing. 

Toph nodded approvingly. "You boys have good taste." 

"And to make it interesting," Katara continued, a gleam in her eye. "Bending is noe allowed."

"Aww, what?" Bumi complained, but everyone else howled with delight. 

"Don't worry, Boom-Boom," Toph said, taking a fighting stance. "We'll need your speed. You're going down, Sweetness!"

"After you!" Katara teased, taking the same stance. She jerked her head to Kya and Lin, and they giggled and copied her. 

"You're going down, Mama!" Lin yelled.

"Down!" Kya echoed. "I'm it!"

Bumi shrieked and bolted, Tenzin hot on his heels. Toph darted around them, trying to stop Kya from tagging them without getting tagged herself. Lin stayed near Katara, and they tried to force the others out into the open. It was hard work, and before long all of them were sweaty and tired. Toph had to stop and catch her breath more than usual, which wasn't like her, but she just shrugged it off.

"Truce!" Bumi choked out, shielding his face as Kya directed a water bomb at his face. "Truce!"

"All right, everybody freeze!" Katara yelled. "Okay, um, let's... pause for now."

"Why? Scared you'll lose?" Toph smirked, hefting a rock behind her. She was breathing very heavily for some reason, and the pulsing pain she had felt earlier had returned.

"I'm scared we'll miss lunch," she replied. "Who's hungry?"

A chorus of "Me!" echoed throughout the group, and Katara led them all back into the house. Toph tried to catch up, but her bones felt very tired. A cold feeling settled at the base of her stomach. She blinked a few times. 

"Toph?" Katara's voice came from far away. With a sudden panic she realized she couldn't sense where she was. What was going on? "You okay?"

"Yeah, I -" she stopped short and shrieked - a searing sensation tore across her stomach and beneath her pelvis. She dropped to the ground, her hands clutching at her swollen stomach. "Augh!"

"Toph!" Katara was at her side in seconds. She helped her to her feet, but she stumbled again. "What's wrong? What's the matter?"

"Baby..." she gasped. "Baby... coming... now!"

"Oh, oh, I knew I shouldn't have let you play!" She yelled, and Toph doubled over in pain and glared at her.

"Okay, okay," Katara continued hurriedly, easing her to that she was leaning on her shoulder. "Toph? I'm going to take you up to the house. We're going to go nice and slow, okay? Just tell me if it's too fast for you."

She didn't answer, crying out instead. She tried to calm down, convince herself that she had gone through this before. It wasn't like this was anything new. And yet... why was the feeling so intense, so much of it at once? This didn't feel like Lin's labor, but what else could it possibly be? She had to trust herself.

"Easy does it, Toph. That's right, come on..."

Slowly Katara led her up the path and back into the house, where Bumi, Kya, Tenzin and Lin were assembling for their promised lunch. Toph heard a dish shatter as one of them dropped it, and the other three yelped with surprise. 

"Mom?" Bumi said anxiously. "What's going on?" 

"Is Aunt Toph having the baby?" Tenzin asked.

"Mama?" Lin said, her little voice smaller than normal. 

"Yes. Out of the way, kids. Please, move!" Katara commanded, guiding Toph by the arm into the spare room. She could just barely hear four pairs of footsteps following Katara's, but at the moment she didn't care. All she wanted was to get this thing out of her.

She sank gratefully into the plush blankets, but she didn't have much time to be thankful before another wave of pain racked her body, and she twisted around in the sheets. Katara sounded worried when she said, "Just hang tight, Toph. I'm going to get some healing water, but I'll be right back. Linny, why don't you hold you mom's hand?"

"Okay."

Toph grunted, her eyes shut tight, but the pressure lessened as she felt Lin's small hand slip into hers and squeeze. "I'm here, mama."

She squeezed back. "Hello, my little badgermole." A sob escaped her lips as Katara returned, her belt sloshing with water. She sighed as the water coated her stomach, and for a moment the pain receded, though when she toom it off she didn't feel quite as bad as she had.

"Okay, Toph," Katara said, sounding relieved. "Looks like you're not going into an early labor, you're just experiencing some mild contractions."

"What? What do you mean?"

"The real thing probably isn't for another two weeks or so. It's not going to be a pleasant one, so I'm going to have to ask you to stay in bed for it."

"WHAT?! Katara, come on, you can't be serious!"

"Toph, I'm not kidding. This is serious. If you do anything extraneous, you could trigger a real early labor and then... well, we'd be in trouble. You're not ready to deliver yet."

"There is no way I'm just going to sit here and do nothing! At least let me leave this godamn room!"

"Toph!"

She growled. "You can't just force me to stay in bed."

"Oh, yes I can." Katara was firmer that Toph had ever heard her sound. "Look. This isn't about you, it's about your child. They're not ready to be born, and if anything surprises you or shocks you in any way, you could bring them into this world a little too early. I don't know if they would live."

"Katara..." she swallowed. "I trust your judgement. Really, I do. But I can't - I can't just sit here. I can't. I won't."

Katara opened her mouth to argue, but she wasn't finished. She held up her hands in defense. 

"But - just listen! - but if you let me just walk around the house, I'll behave. I won't leave, I swear. Just let me walk around." She sensed Katara hesitating, and put on her best "Pretty Please" face. "Please."

There was a long pause. Katara groaned. "Fine. But you have to promise me you won't leave this house. I mean it, Toph."

"I promise." She held out her hand, and Katara shook it. Then she tightened her grip and helped her out of the tangled sheets. 

"The dose of healing water I gave you should he enough to get you through the day," she explained as Toph steadied herself, her hand on her giant stomach. "But every night and every morning I'll have to give you another session until your baby is born."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she muttered, trying to concentrate. It was a lot harder to stand up than she had anticipated, but she wasn't going to tell Katara that. "Can we go write Sokka a letter now or something?"

"All right. Just let me tell the kids what's going on." She let go of her arm, and Toph swayed on the spot. "I'll be right back."

She nodded, grasping at the wall and breathing deeply. In. Out. In. Out. Okay. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other. She wasn't in pain anymore, but she still felt anxious, like at any moment the aches would come back in a furious wave. She was treading on thin ice, and she didn't want to crack it. She knew Katara was right. She just didn't want her to know that she knew. 

"Okay," Katara said, returning to her side. She felt better once her fingers laced through hers. "Let's go out to the table, and I'll get some paper and ink and we can write. What do you want to tell him?" She hesitated at the door. "Not... are you going to tell him about... today?"

Toph paused with her, her hand on the frame. "What do you think?"

"I think it's your call, Toph. Whatever you decide."

She sighed, closing her eyes. Yearning coursed through her veins, and she wanted so, so much to just hold him in her arms. She wanted him to be here, and he wasn't. Nothing she could do would change that. But she might be able to tweak it.

"Where's my bag?" She muttered, turning and stumbling around her room. "I need it. Where is it?"

"Here," Katara said, thrusting it into her hands. She took it and rummaged through it until her fingers came across a familiar wooden box with ripples on its top. She threw the bag on the bed and opened the lid. Immediately Suyin began echoing through the house, the sweet sound of music dancing across the halls.

They listened in silence. Toph could hear the kids in the kitchen stop what they were doing and listen too. When the song ended, she closed the lid and tightly clutched the box, like she was giving it a hug. 

"What's that?" Katara breathed, her voice light.

"It's a music box," she said shortly, shoving it into her pocket. "Sokka gave it to me. Before he left."

"It's beautiful," she commented. 

"Yeah." Toph didn't feel much like elaborating. If anything, playing Suyin had only made her feel more lonely. She had an aching sensation that she would never be with him again, though she told herself that was stupid. 

He's coming back, she told herself. Just deal. 

"Come on," she said, tugging on Katara's sleeve. "Let's just write the letter already."

-

A week later, Toph had settled somewhat into a routine. When she woke up, Katara would rush in and coat her in healing water. She would feel good for about ten minutes, and then her anxiety would return. She constantly felt like she was on the edge of a cliff - one false move and she would topple over the edge, and she would go into labor. That thought consumed her, and she spent the rest of the day wandering around the house, worrying about her health. 

As the days crept by, however, the chances of her delivering early slipped away. She drew closer to her due date, and she could feel Katara's worry fading away with each passing hour. She felt her own leaving as well, and she actually began to enjoy her stay, having Katara read Sokka's letters and writing him back. Soon the time came to begin counting down the days until Sokka would arrive home. 

Four days, three days, two days, one day...

He didn't come. 

Katara didn't seem worried, saying that ships were always delayed and that there had been a few storms recently in their area.

"He's on his way," she promised. "He'll be here soon, I know it."

And she believed her. Sokka would be here soon. She began counting the days he had been away.

One day, two days, three days, four days...

Still he didn't come.

She found herself anxiously waiting by the front door, listening hardly for the sound of his footsteps. Oh, he would be in for a surprise when he showed his sorry face. She would run up to him and throw her arms around him. He would be surprised, but he would hug her back, and then she would kiss him full on the mouth. And he would kiss her back, but she wouldn't let him get too into it before pulling away and socking him in the stomach. Oh, yes, she would get her revenge. 

She lived off that thought for days. Every time she passed by the door, she replayed the scene in her mind. Each time, Sokka came home. Each time, they kissed. Each time, everyone was happy. Each time was the same. It got to be that Toph couldn't imagine anything else happening. 

So she was surprised when Katara called out to her, saying that she could come outside for a minute. That should've clued her in. Katara was very strict about her new rules. 

Toph made her way down to the beach, cursing under her breath. Stupid sand, always churning under her feet. She couldn't see a thing. She reached Katara, who clasped her arm tightly. She gave a start at her touch, which was cold.

"What's up?"

"This man has a letter for you," Katara said softly. Her voice shook, but without her bending Toph couldn't decipher her exact emotions.

"So what? It's probably from Sokka, what's the big deal," she muttered. The man gave her the letter and walked away, leaving Katara clutching her arm like it was her lifeline. She handed her the letter and shd listened to her rip it open.

"It's not. It - it says it's from this little island off the coast of the Earth Kingdom."

"Katara," she said patiently. "Sokka probably stopped there for supplies or something. What's the matter with you?"

"Toph," she gulped, and to her dismay there was genuine fear in her voice. "It's not his handwriting."

She blinked. Then again. And again.

"Read it," she croaked. 

Katara's hand was shaky like her tonr as she read the letter out loud.

"'Dear Toph Beifong,'" she began. "'My name is Diya. I was traveling with a crew led by Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe. Two days ago, our ship was hit by a freak storm. Sokka tried, but it took all of our crew to keep the ship afloat for as long as we could. Eventually the storm overpowered us, and many of the crew was lost with the ship. Sokka -'" Katara was sobbing now "'- Sokka didn't make it. When I and the other two remaining members of the crew washed ashore, we found a barrel with Sokka's things inside. There wasn't much left, but we discovered your correspondence with him. You were the only contact of his we could find, and the task of telling you fell to me. I'm sorry, Ms. Beifong.'"

Toph was still. She didn't dare to even breathe.

"Toph," Katara cried. "He's gone."

That was it. She broke. 

She fell to the ground, huge, jarring sobs erupting out of her mouth, unlike any tears she'd ever heaved before. Surely she was dying. Surely this wasn't real. She was dreaming. This wasn't happening. 

Sokka couldn't be dead. He couldn't be, because she'd willed him to be alive. He had to live because she had thought about him, every second of every minute of every day he was apart from her. He couldn't be gone. He couldn't be. But there were the words, right there on the page. Katara had read them. 

And Katara never lied.

Some part of her registered Katara's hand stroking her back, and some part of her heard her tears splashing onto her cheeks, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered, not even her own life, not if he was gone. She wished she were dead so as to join him. Her pain was so real, she felt as though she was giving birth at the same time someone was wrenching a knife into her stomach.

Wait.

"Oh, no," Katara gasped between her sobs. "Toph, your stomach... your water..."

She was much too disoriented to recognize her words, but she did feel something gushing out of her. Something watery, and something familiar. Something she'd experienced before. 

"We have to get you inside," Katara insisted. Her voice was heavy with unshed tears, but there was a commanding tone in front. "Come on. Your water just broke."

"My..." she hiccuped. Her eyes were wet, cascading down onto her cheeks and mixing with her long hair, which had somehow fallen out of its bun. "My water... Katara...?"

"Come on." She lifted her to her feet, found that she could not drag her alone, and called out for the kids. "BUMI! KYA! LIN! TENZIN!"

They appeared in seconds. "What's wrong, mom?" Bumi asked. "Why are you crying?"

"Mama?" Lin sounded scared.

"I need you to help me carry Aunt Toph in the house," she said tensely. "Bumi, Kya, grab her feet. I need you to be careful, guys. Tenzin, Lin, please just hold her hands." She turned to Lin and placed her hand on her cheek. "This is a very special job, okay, Linny?"

"Okay." The little girl gripped her mother's hand tightly, and Toph murmed in her poor state of mind. 

"Lin..." she said faintly. 

"It's okay, mama," she whispered. "You're gonna be fine."

"Sokka," she cried. "Sokka."

Lin fidgeted. "Aunt Katara, why is mama talking about Uncle Sokka?"

"Just focus on holding her hand, okay, honey?" Katara said. "I'll explain later."

Toph's breathing was shallow and tense. Her eyelids drooped, and her ears shut down, and she knew no more.

-

When she woke for good, Toph found herself in extreme pain, but at least it was familiar extreme pain. She knew now that she was in labor, and that this was it. Her baby was coming.

Sokka was gone.

No, she thought. No. Don't think about that. Think about the baby. Focus.

"Push, Toph!" Katara yelled, and she discovered that she was down at her feet. Lin was no longer at her side. "Push!"

She tried to do what she was told, gripping the sheets, groaning and grunting and pushing with all her might. A loud roar escaped her lips, and something heavy escaped her body. She slumped down onto the pillows, sweating like crazy. 

"Oh," Katara sighed. "Oh, oh, Toph..."

"How'd I do?" She asked weakly. Something was mewing down at her feet, and Katara inhaled sharply.

"It's a girl," she mumbled. "You did amazing, Toph. Just amazing."

She sighed. "Good. Good."

Katara rummaged around the room, wrapping the baby in a blanket and cleaning her up. When she was done, she returned to Toph. The mewing was coming from her arms now.

"Toph," she said quietly. "I'd like you to meet your daughter."

She didn't breathe as the child was placed in her arms. The baby had been crying before, but as soon as she made contact with Toph she stopped and cooed instead, gurgling happily as she snuggled against her mother. She bit her lip, willing herself not to cry.

Sokka would never know his child.

She closed her eyes, and a single tear traced down her cheek. Katara crawled onto the bed and hugged her tightly. 

"Her eyes are blue," she said into her ear. "And her skin looks like mine."

Toph's breathing hitched. She touched her daughter's face gently, and the baby reached up to grab her finger. An electric shock rippled through her body. 

"What are you going to name her?"

This time Toph didn't hesitate. She knew, maybe had known for a long time. Maybe even had known since he had given her the music box, so many weeks ago.

"Suyin," she whispered. "Suyin. Like the song. Like his song."

Katara caught her breath, and Toph felt a tear that was not her own slide down her face. "Oh, Toph..."

"I know," she said. "I know."

Slowly she began humming the song, the beautiful song that would be the last thing Sokka had ever given her. But now it wouldn't be. He would live on in his daughter. Their daughter. 

"I love you," she said quietly to the baby. And, just for a moment, she believed she could hear another voice say it along with her, a familiar voice that carried on the wind, his voice that took up their song.

Toph smiled contentedly. He was here. She knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

Summer was fading, the last warm breezes flowing through melted pools of water and the leaves beginning to crunch under Toph's foot. She'd been told they were changing from green to yellow and brown and red, but she couldn't vouch for that, and truth be told her six year old daughter wasn't the most reliable source. She could feel it in her bones, though. The seasons were changing.

Toph dreaded change. Change was a horrible, no-good, dirty way of life laughing at her, saying, "Look how we've messed up your day! Guess you'd better figure out how to live it to the fullest." Change, in her opinion, was sinking as deep as one could go, even lower than the lowest trick anyone could think of. Change was nothing but trouble.

She wasn't always this way. No, the old Toph was one who embraced change, running out to greet the world instead of waiting for it to come to her. She used to shrug her shoulders and say, "Oh, well!" She would dash off without a care in the world. With her friends. 

But that was the old Toph. The new Toph was bitter, cold and angry all the time. The new Toph had a hard shell, a warrior's uniform hardening over her body like a protective layer. And it wasn't coming off anytime soon. 

She hated herself. Because he wasn't here.

The old Toph wouldn't have stood for such nonsense. She was the Greatest Earth Bender in the World! She didn't need anyone, and no one needed her. She was free to cave in on herself as she pleased. But it wasn't just her anymore. She had her daughters to think about.

Lin was the oldest, and it had been just the two of them for a long time. Toph was fine with that - she was happy, and content, and that was enough for her. But he came swooping in and showed her all the things she was missing, all the things that weren't yet but could be. And before he had left, he had given her the most precious thing he could. 

Her other daughter. Suyin.

When Suyin was around, being the happy, cooing, normal four month old that she was, Toph could almost imagine that he was here with her. If she closed her eyes and listened close, it was like Sokka's heartbeat pulsing beneath her feet. She was his daughter, through and through. 

Suyin was really the only thing that was keeping Toph solid, keeping her here. She loved Lin, too, of course she did - but Suyin made her feel something she couldn't quite name, couldn't quite describe. It was an alien feeling to her, and she wanted to stick around long enough to find out what it was, because the only other person who had made her feel like that was dead. Gone. Never coming back. Sometimes that thought haunts her, creeping into her mind, especially when she held Su in her arms.

Those were the bad days.

There were good days, too. Days when she thought maybe life isn't so cruel, days when she felt like the old Toph might've been stirring just beneath the surface. But she knew that there was a hard wall driven between the old Toph and the new Toph, a wall that was driven the day Katara read that awful letter, which she had tucked away in a box under her bed.

She wasn't sure why she kept it. To remind herself that there's no use hoping, no use praying with all her might? She'd never loved another soul in the world like she loved him. It was natural to wish, even if she told herself it wasn't.

Her friends are a source of comfort, she supposed. Katara was his sister, after all, and Aang's brother in law. Zuko was his best friend, and Suki was his first love. Where did that leave her? She was in no way related to him, and they had never outright dated. Did that make her an ex-maybe? An ex-almost? These thoughts drive her crazy, always hungry for the 'what if.'

She was pondering over this one day, as she did most days since he had died. Every second her mind was full to the brim of thoughts of him. Not a day went by that she didn't play the sweet song he had given her, her daughter's namesake. Most days she didn't cry, but there were exceptions. Like today. Suyin was flowing in one ear and out the other, and her eyes were closed, holding in the tears for the sake of her daughters.

When the song ended, her eyes remained closed until she felt a tugging on her sleeve. 

"What?" she grunted. 

"Mama," Lin asked, tugging more intensely. "Mama, why do you have that box?"

She sighed and opened her eyes, even though it did nothing for her line of vision. "I've told you, Linny. It's the music box that Uncle Sokka made for me."

"Before he died?" she whispered.

"Yeah." She sighed, suddenly exhausted. "Before he died."

"What's the song called, Mama?"

At that Toph smiled, patting her daughter's head. "Suyin."

"Like our new baby?"

"Yep. Like our new baby."

Lin glanced at her sister, who was in an earth woven cradle nearby in their apartment in Republic City. She gurgled and cooed, playing with her feet like she'd never seen anything like them before. Her arms flailed about as if she didn't know what they were for. 

"Mama?"

"What, Lin?"

"Why did you name Su after the song?"

And there it was. Toph had been dreading the day Lin would ask her this, because how was she supposed to answer? Was she supposed to tell her that she'd been madly in love with her daughter's father and had fallen into utter despair when he'd died? That was too much for her to comprehend, but it was the truth. So that was out. Besides, how could she hand Suyin a dad on a silver platter when Lin had never even met hers? It would be unfair. She had enough love for two parents.

"Why not? It's a pretty song, don't you think?"

"I guess." She paused, and Toph thought she was through. Then she sprang the trap.

"Was Uncle Sokka my daddy?"

Toph choked on her own saliva, her mouth moving to spit even though there was nothing there. She wheezed, coughing. 

"W-What?" 

"Was Uncle Sokka my daddy?" Lin repeated, slower this time as though she was the parent and her mother was the child.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well," she began, like she'd been planning what she was going to say for a long time. "One day, like almost a year ago, he was over at our house and that night I saw him go into your room and I heard some weird noises -"

"Okay, okay, okay!" she cried before she could say anything else. Was her face on fire? Surely she was about to burst into flames, she was blushing so hard. 

"But I also saw you looking at him," she continued solemnly. 

Toph, who was busy trying not to freak out over the fact that her daughter had witnessed her having sex, blinked. "What do you mean, I look at him?"

"Well, you don't really look at him," she giggled. "But when he talked, you kind of sparkled."

"Sparkled."

She nodded. "Yeah. And you turned red, and you played super close attention to him. Aunt Katara said that meant you loved him."

"Aunt Katara said what?!"

"Also, when you said he wasn't coming home, you were crying. You cry every day now, Mama," she whispered. "I don't want you to cry anymore."

"Oh, baby. Come here." She gathered Lin up in her arms and squeezed her. Lin hugged her back tightly, and Toph let some of her tears spill onto her child.

"I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, my little badgermole."

"So?" Her voice was chipper once more, like the past minute had never happened. "Was Uncle Sokka my daddy?"

She exhaled, a sound like all the spirits were bursting to be free. She felt like she'd lived a thousand lifetimes in one millisecond, like she'd aged without the wisdom. "Ask me later, okay?"

"But -"

"Later." She made her voice firm as she set Lin down on the floor. "I'll explain it all when you're older."

"Hmm." Lin considered this, and apparently decided it was the best deal she was going to get. "Okay. Can I go play outside?"

"Sure. Don't go too far."

She nodded and dashed off. Toph listened to the door slam, waited until her heartbeat was a distant throb, then buried her face in her hands. She had let some of her sadness out talking to Lin, but now the tears were really falling. She sobbed into her lap, curling in on herself the way she did so often anymore.

It was times like this, when she just felt so hopeless and useless, that she wanted to just give up. To give in. To end her suffering, to join him in the Spirit World. She couldn't count the number of times she had thought about ending it all, mostly late at night when there was no one there to comfort her.

But then she would catch wind of Lin's heartbeat, or hear Suyin's gurgling laugh, and she would curse herself for even thinking about it. How could she consider leaving this world when such precious lives depended on her? She could never do that to her children. Whatever Toph's faults, she was loyal to the end. 

Which, when she thought about it, was probably why she was having such a hard time letting Sokka go. Not that four months was a long time, but even Katara got through most days without breaking down, and she was his sister. Toph was nobody compared to her, just a simple person whose life was entwined with his. She'd thought that she withheld her tears efficiently, but if little Lin noticed her crying every day then how well was she keeping track?

She heard footsteps approaching her and hastily wiped her face, which burned with unshed tears. The pulsing heartbeats of the people told her they were Lin, which she expected, and - Katara? What was she doing here?

"Toph!" 

She stood up and attempted to look neutral, which was difficult considering her face was red and her nose was running. "What? Hey, listen, I've got a bone to pick with you. Why did you tell Lin that I was in love -"

"Whatever it is, it can wait," Katara interrupted impatiently. She was panting, like she'd been running for a long time, and Toph felt a tear that was not her own slide down her face. She was crying. 

"What's wrong?" She immediately jumped to her feet, fists clenched. "Is it Aang? Zuko? The kids? Who is it?"

"No, no they're fine..." Katara sounded distressed, disturbed. Her pulse was quick and unnaturally fast, and that made Toph distressed and disturbed too. 

"Well, then -" she spluttered "- then what's the big idea?"

Katara's voice was raw and hoarse, like she'd spent the last hour screaming. Lin reached up and took her mother's hand, and she squeezed it gratefully. Katara, she knew, wasn't one to overreact, and this was about as far as she went.

"Tara," she said angrily. "Just spit it out, already! What's wrong?"

But she was at a loss for words. Only gasps of air came out of her mouth, which didn't help Toph decipher the situation.

"Mama, you lied to me," Lin said, tugging on her sleeve.

"What? No, I didn't," she said distractedly. "Katara, what is going on?"

"Yes, you did," she insisted, pulling more intensely. "You told me that Uncle Sokka was gone."

Toph shook her head angrily. "Lin, be quiet, I'm trying to talk to Aunt Katara."

"But you said he wasn't coming home. You said he was dead. You lied!"

"What are you talking about?" She jerked her hand away from Lin's. She didn't know what she was talking about, she was only six. She was the liar, not Toph. Not Toph.

"You told me and Su that Uncle Sokka was dead, but he's here," Lin protested, trying to grab her hand again. Like she wanted to... take her somewhere. To someone.

And suddenly two new heartbeats were trudging their way up the stairs in her backyard. One of them she knew quite well, and it was steady. Aang. The other one... the other one was one was sure she would never feel again. The other one was one she had spent hours, days, weeks, years pouring over, pouring her heart and soul into it. The other one was the same as her daughter's. 

The other heartbeat was Sokka's. 

Toph couldn't breathe. Why couldn't she breathe? What was going on? Katara was crying and Aang was laughing and Lin was squealing and Toph was losing her mind. She had to get out. Had to get out.

"Hey, T," he said weakly, and her heart shattered. 

She didn't remember moving her feet, but somehow she was next to him. Maybe he had moved. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move. Halfheartedly she pinched the skin on her arm, but she remained awake. This was real. This was happening.

He put his fingers on her cheek and slowly traced it, like he’d been doing it all his life. Which, she supposed, he sort of had, but never with such intimacy, such yearning. This was different. She reached up to touch his finger. It was solid and whole, and felt like him.

“Are you really here?” she whispered. “Is this real?”

“It’s real,” he whispered back, tightening his grip on her. “I’m here. I missed you.”

She tried to catch her breath. For so many months she had grieved, grieved like she’d never grieved before, tried to grab hold of anything and everything that might make her think of him. He was everywhere, these last few months. In her head, in her heart, in her daughter, But now he was here. In flesh and blood. And she didn’t know what to do. So she did the thing she did best. She shoved him to the ground and began punching him.

He shrieked in pain, and Katara and Aang yelped and said something about a broken leg, but she barely heard them. She was too busy pummeling him for breaking her heart.

“DON’T - EVER - DO - THAT - TO - ME - AGAIN - YOU - SNEAKING - SON OF A -"

"Toph!" Katara pulled on her arms, but she was too angry to stop. "Toph, stop, you're hurting him!"

"I - DON'T - CARE -" she breathed heavily. "You think he didn't hurt me? You think he doesn't deserve some of my pain?"

"Actually," Sokka groaned, sitting up and forcing Toph to slide to the ground onto her knees, "I've suffered enough lately. Broke my leg trying to get away from the storm."

She blinked, and felt his heart skip beat, like he was anticipating her to jump him again. She did not, so he kept going.

"After the ship wrecked, I was trying to keep myself afloat along with the members of my crew," he explained. His voice grew quiet. "I think - well, I don't think a lot of them made it."

Katara smiled a watery smile through her tears. "The woman who wrote Toph a letter said that she and two others were the only ones to survive. They didn't think you had made it."

"What was her name?" he asked sharply. 

"Diya," his sister answered, and Toph felt him slump against her legs. She didn't know whether to shy away or lean in close.

"Diya," he repeated. "That's good, she's a hard worker. I knew she would live."

For some reason she felt a surge of jealousy towards this woman, whom Sokka spoke so fondly of. Why didn't he think of her that way? She chided herself. You just beat him up, give him a break.

"Oh, Sokka," Katara said, tight-lipped. "For so long we thought - I thought -"

"Shhh." She felt him reach up and take her hand. "It's okay. I'm here now." He cleared his throat. "Er - would it be okay if I talked to Toph for a minute? Alone?"

Katara made a noise like she wanted to protest, and Toph wouldn't have blamed her, but Aang answered before she could. "Yeah. We'll give you some space."

She listened for their heartbeats to clear away, and not until she was satisfied they were inside the apartment with Lin did she get to her feet and face him, her arms crossed. He remained on the ground.

"Before you say anything, just know that I missed you. I missed you so much," he said.

"Did you, now?" She did not quite feel like being grateful, but she was. Oh, she was. How could she ever stop feeling grateful that he had been returned to her?

"I did." He swallowed and seemed to be trying to get to his feet, clinging to the edge of a table. She made no attempt to help him. She didn't think she could've if she'd tried. "Every second of every minute. I couldn't stand it, T. I thought I could, but I couldn't. It turns out I can't be without you."

Toph didn't know what to say to that. 

"And when I thought of you, I thought of our... our child." His eyes trailed down to her stomach, which no longer bulged outward, as it had the last time they'd been together. "You're all right, then? The birth went smoothly?"

That information she couldn't keep hidden. He had a right to know, after all. Suyin was his daughter too. "Yes."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Girl." Her voice caught, and she thought of the music box, mere feet away from where they were standing. She pitched to hold it in her hand, the way she did when she was anxious.

"Name? What did you name her?"

She shook her head. "Just a name. Does it matter?"

"Wh - of course it matters!" He sounded scornful, like he couldn't believe that she wouldn't tell him the name of his own daughter. Well, maybe she was feeling a bit scornful right now. "Toph, she's my kid too. I want to know what her name is."

"And I want to know what the hell you think you're playing at!" she screamed. "You think you can just show up out of the blue and expect everything to pick up right where we left off? I thought you were DEAD, Snoozles! I can't just - you can't just -"

She cut herself off, turning away so he wouldn't see her twisted face. He was quiet for a moment.

"You have every right to be upset with me," he said softly.

"Oh, I do?" she asked bitterly. Shut up, a voice in her head scolded her. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"You do. And you're right, I can't just expect us to pick up where we left off. If -" he sounded extremely uncomfortable now "- If there's another guy, or something, that's totally fine -"

"You think I would get with someone else four months after the guy I've been in love with my whole life supposedly died? Do you really think that low of me?"

He didn't answer. His eyes bored into her, into her very soul.

"You've been in love with me your whole life?"

She growled. She hadn't meant for that to slip out, but it was the truth, no matter how she fooled herself. "I don't know."

They were silent for a while, listening to the breeze whistle in their ears, Lin and Katara and Aang talking in the house, Suyin babbling about. She thought about how the old Toph would handle this situation. The old Toph would never have been in this situation. 

"I named her Suyin," she blurted out suddenly, then fought a blush. 

Sokka jerked his head up. "What?"

The old Toph would've backed out. The old Toph would've said no, you must be hearing things. But the new Toph was thinking something different. Something else.

"I named the baby Suyin."

"Like - like the song? Like our song?"

"I did. It -" she licked her lips and was overcome with the urge to just hold him. "It seemed only right. I had her after you di - after I thought you died." 

"Wow." He exhaled slowly. "I don't even know what to say."

She didn't either, so she remained quiet. But before she could even blink he was by her side, his hand in hers. Not once did she feel the need to pull away. "But I do know what to do."

"What?"

He laughed, and she felt like another part of her was slotting into place. And when he kissed her, really kissed her, she felt as though her heart might explode with happiness. 

Maybe change wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
